For many years I rose at five or six o’clock and began a long day of study, work, or caregiving. I was stressed out for long periods. My marriages and friendships suffered, I worked less effectively than I should have, and my health was affected. Both physical and emotional stress can set up a chain reaction of harmful physiological changes.
Some stress was unavoidable--burglaries and other crimes, my leaving Random House after a publishing merger ended in a bloodbath, a divorce, a hysterectomy, deaths, treachery, and so on. In other cases, though, I brought unnecessary stress on myself. Looking back now, relatively contented and relaxed, I can see some of the mistakes I made.
If I could be a time traveler and go back to advise my younger self, I would tell her:
Spend a few minutes every day writing a to-do list and assigning priorities. Not only does this make your day more productive, but just looking at the list will help you relax when you see how few things are really essential.
Get enough sleep. You need eight hours a night to feel well and to think clearly.
Exercise every day. Even a 20-minute walk will relieve stress. Tai chi or yoga can be combined with meditation.
Know when to quit. You should have dropped that medical students’ neuroanatomy class, for example. You have never used more than a superficial knowledge of the nervous system! For that matter, perhaps you should stop grad school after earning a Master’s degree. Your PhD dissertation hearing will be one of the most stressful experiences of your life.
Limit alcohol and caffeine. You drink too much coffee to stay alert, then drink alcohol to calm down after a stressful day.
Get help. Many sources of help with caregiving are available, but you are too stubborn to take advantage of them. Ask for advice about difficult computer programs, or take classes that will help. Don’t try to do everything alone.
Take frequent breaks from using the computer. Your eyes and brain need to rest.
Some of your relationships are stressful. Get some counseling about them from a good therapist. Then, if the relationships can’t be improved, end them. You will also discover much about yourself during therapy. This may reduce stress, also.
Make friends with lots of women. They will be helpful for the rest of your life. Inevitably, some friends will move away or become involved in lives that don’t include you, but a few friends will still be close to you fifty or sixty years from now. Treasure them.
Keep your home environment as simple and clutter-free as possible. You are spending too much time and energy caring for your belongings, and you sometimes spend too much money for them.
Listen to the “different drummer” in your own brain. Trying to live according to others’ expectations is a continual cause of stress.
Cultivate your sense of humor. You take life too seriously, and should laugh more.
Live within your income. When you are elderly, you will be horrified at the amount of interest you paid over the years. Only the interest you spent on mortgages will then seem justified.
Exercise every day. Even a 20-minute walk will relieve stress. Tai chi or yoga can be combined with meditation.
Know when to quit. You should have dropped that medical students’ neuroanatomy class, for example. You have never used more than a superficial knowledge of the nervous system! For that matter, perhaps you should stop grad school after earning a Master’s degree. Your PhD dissertation hearing will be one of the most stressful experiences of your life.
Limit alcohol and caffeine. You drink too much coffee to stay alert, then drink alcohol to calm down after a stressful day.
Get help. Many sources of help with caregiving are available, but you are too stubborn to take advantage of them. Ask for advice about difficult computer programs, or take classes that will help. Don’t try to do everything alone.
Take frequent breaks from using the computer. Your eyes and brain need to rest.
Some of your relationships are stressful. Get some counseling about them from a good therapist. Then, if the relationships can’t be improved, end them. You will also discover much about yourself during therapy. This may reduce stress, also.
Make friends with lots of women. They will be helpful for the rest of your life. Inevitably, some friends will move away or become involved in lives that don’t include you, but a few friends will still be close to you fifty or sixty years from now. Treasure them.
Keep your home environment as simple and clutter-free as possible. You are spending too much time and energy caring for your belongings, and you sometimes spend too much money for them.
Listen to the “different drummer” in your own brain. Trying to live according to others’ expectations is a continual cause of stress.
Cultivate your sense of humor. You take life too seriously, and should laugh more.
Live within your income. When you are elderly, you will be horrified at the amount of interest you paid over the years. Only the interest you spent on mortgages will then seem justified.
If anyone gave me this advice about stress when I was young, I didn’t listen. It’s too bad my personal time-traveler from the future never appeared.
