WRITING A COZY MYSTERY

No-sweat writing.

 

Have you always wanted to write a cozy mystery, to be another Agatha Christie? Of course you can! Simply take your laptop into the nearest Starbucks, turn on a word processing program, and follow this outline. In each section, circle your choice of words. In an hour or so, you will have written a modern cozy that will bring you fame and fortune.

A.     Your heroine is named Maggie/Kelly/Annie. She has left a glamorous career in New York/San Francisco/Los Angeles to return to her hometown. (Describe her wardrobe.)

B.     Maggie/Kelly/Annie adopts a dog/cat/raven.

C.     Maggie/Kelly/Annie opens a bakery/book shop/coffee shop. (Recipes are optional but desirable.)

D.     Maggie/Kelly/Annie meets a tall, handsome lawyer/teacher/writer. He lives in a high-tech modern apartment/a restored Victorian house/a houseboat. (Add a mild sex scene.)

E.      Maggie/Kelly/Annie meets a woman rival/business rival/customer who seems strange.

F.      Maggie/Kelly/Annie finds a body in an alley/in a closet/on the beach.

G.     Maggie/Kelly/Annie argues with the stupid local police chief.

H.     Maggie/Kelly/Annie cooperates with her aunt/her business partner/the police chief to solve the mystery. She realizes the person in Section E is guilty.

I.       Maggie/Kelly/Annie follows the murder suspect and is hit over the head/threatened with a knife/threatened with a gun.

J.       Just in time, Maggie/Kelly/Annie is rescued by one of the above.

K.      End of story.

L.       Preview of next story, which will follow the above pattern.

 

Print the result. Glance at the printout to make sure it has no coffee stains on it. Do not hire an editor! Editors will destroy your unique style, and will even expect you to pay them. Instead, you can easily edit it yourself. All you need to do is to let the spellchecker and grammar checker automatically  make any changes necessary. Or, you can ask your friends to make helpful suggestions. Finally, you can have it self-published rather than deal with rejection letters and other annoyances.

Copyright 2019 by Carol Leth Stone

 

THE JOY OF BEING A WOMAN IN HER EIGHTIES

A recent article by psychologist Mary Pipher (“The Joy of Being a Woman in Her Seventies,” The New York Times 1-12-19) extolled the happier aspects of being a septuagenarian. I agreed with her in general. Certainly the seventies are a time when women have weathered many storms successfully and reached some goals. For me, my seventies were rewarding years of travel, writing, and (for a time) living off the electrical grid in a forested area of northern California. It was a life I never could have imagined when I was younger.

As that decade wore on, though, my health declined and I became unable to continue some activities. Now that I am 81, I sometimes feel sad about some necessary changes in my lifestyle. (Does anyone use that word any more?) I can walk for only short distances, and use a cane. I need my electric blanket and microwave oven. I can’t drive after dark. I don’t try to write about biology, because too much has changed in that field in recent years.

It’s tempting to feel some self-pity about these differences in my life, but there’s no point in doing so. Also, there are many positive aspects of being an octogenarian:

·       I stopped dieting several years ago, and eat for health rather than weight control.

·       My wardrobe consists mainly of tees, sweaters, and pants from Lands’ End® and other reasonably priced stores, worn with sensible shoes.

·       There’s no pressure to keep up with the times unless I want to.

·       Remembering stupid or thoughtless deeds of my own, I’m quite tolerant of other people’s.

·       Realizing that I may not live too many more years, and that some old friends and enemies are dying or very ill, I find it easy to drop old grudges.

·       Sleeping nine hours is a necessity for me, and I don’t feel guilty about sleeping in.

·       It’s a joy to connect with old friends in person or on the Internet.

·       I’m finally reading or rereading books that have sat on the shelf for years. As my memory declines, I can even reread mysteries without remembering “whodunit.”

·       Not wanting to waste much of my remaining time on housework or yardwork, I have hired help with it, just as I did when working and caregiving.

·       Luckily, I can still do some traveling in the RV. Unlike most forms of travel, it provides the comforts an octogenarian needs.